


The Way Back Home

by Taeqyung



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Best Friends, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Everybody Lives, Everyone Is Gay, Hidan (Naruto) Swears, Immortality, M/M, Murder Husbands, Resurrection, Self-Indulgent, Swearing, because zetsu brought hidan back, hidan brings kakuzu back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23994103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taeqyung/pseuds/Taeqyung
Summary: Even since he joined Akatsuki it had always been Kakuzu and Hidan. The zombie combo, the ones who did it the best, the most brutal.Hidan refuses to let go of that, even if Kakuzu annoys him to death he'd rather have him alive by his side and he's rather not be underground ever again, if possible.
Relationships: Hidan & Kakuzu (Naruto)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	The Way Back Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is completely self-indulgent and I needed to write it after binging the kakuhidan episodes of Shippuden. Sasori and Deidara are closely followed by Kakuzu and Hidan as my favorite Akatsuki pair. 
> 
> So... here goes nothing for a dead fandom haha!

* * *

It’s the first time Hidan finds himself in this kind of situation, he joined the Akatsuki almost freshly out of The Way of Jashin and although he was brutal, the reality was that he had zero experience with getting out of messy situations like this, his main objective was to never get any of his limbs apart.

Yet here he was, a couple of meters underground, each part of his body dispersed along the ground. He couldn’t very well tell where they were, especially in the whole darkness of it all but he at least knew he had been buried whole and that was once less problem.

He just needed to find a way to get himself out there and be stitched up together again.

\--

He couldn’t exactly tell how long it had been. In the darkness it could have very well been hours or years, his sense of time was all messed up.

And, don’t get him wrong, Hidan wasn’t the type to usually get worried about things, he let life flow as his was eternal, there was nothing to worry about but… no food, no air. It felt claustrophobic and deathly. He wasn’t the kind to be thinking about death so easily. But here, all alone with no sense of time and no hopes to be found, death was suddenly all he could think about.

Was he going to die without him bringing Jashin victims? Could he die from lack of oxygen? What if he starved? What if his body rot, consciousness still active?

He was going crazy, for sure.

\--

It took its sweet time, but one day without him knowing the difference between his eyes being open or closed, a ray of light illuminated Hidan’s view.

Zetsu.

“You motherfucker!!” Hidan yelled, enraged. “What the fuck took you so long?!”

The fucker, in all his weird calmness, seemed unaffected by all the yelling and responded in a conversational tone.

“There were a lot of guards coming near your burial place, buddy. **It was hard to get in here**. But now here I am and I’m going to help you” Said Zetsu, just standing there without doing anything.

“So? Get going, damn it! Fuck, I’m going to kill Kakuzu for not coming here himself, you know?!”

Zetsu chuckled.

“ **Wouldn’t you like that?** There’s sad news though, Kakuzu is already dead”

The news shocked Hidan into silence, how could have Kakuzu died? Against those kids and one Kakashi Hatake? What the fuck?! He really did suck at the end, no matter how many more years of experience he had against almost everyone in the organization, Kakuzu still allowed himself to get fooled and fucking killed nonetheless.

In the face of his silence, Zetsu simply got himself to work, uncovering parts of Hidan’s body until all of him was out on the ground, not together again yet as it was to be expected. Kakuzu had been the one who patched them all together back then. Kisame’s wounds, Deidara’s arms, Hidan’s occasional dismemberment.

He really didn’t know how the hell they were going to put him bad together without the fucker’s help.

“ **I’ll bring you back to the quarters in Amegakure** , maybe we can find someone else who can stitch you up together again”

“No” Hidan stubbornly replied.

“What do you mean ‘no’? **Do you wanna stay like this?** ” Zetsu replied.

“No, but I don’t want anything to do with Akatsuki anymore, do they even know I’m alive?”

“Not yet, you were supposed to be a surprise for Konan and the Leader”

“So you didn’t say anything about coming to my aid? Leave it like it is! I don’t want to go back, final words!!”

“Should I bury you back, then?” Zetsu teased.

“No, you fucking idiot. Just… give me a hand and let them struggle without me, they have fewer beasts to capture and there’s no one to pair me with. They’ll be fucking happy they don’t have to deal with this bullshit I have turned myself into. Damn it, I’m gonna hunt down that kid and make him pay…”

“Why don’t you focus on getting fixed first?” Zetsu said, the fucker looking all that comfortable taking a seat on the grass.

“Because that’s your job, stupid. You fix me, I get the fuck out” Hidan snarled.

Zetsu chuckled, in a way Hidan had never heard him do and found himself disgusted, he was surely going to get paired with this asshole if he happened to come back under the wing of the organization, he had been fending well by himself before, he could handle it without anyone’s aid.

“Okay, I’ll see you get fixed, for the sake of being old-time pals” Zetsu agreed and proceeded to melt into the earth as he always did.

“What the fuck are you talking about? And where are you going?! You can’t just leave me here!!”

“Calm down, I’m gonna get some things that may help”

And just like that, Hidan and every limb that used to make him whole laid in the sunlight, unable to do anything but wait.

\--

Zetsu took a long fucking time but in the end, he came back with a clone of himself, of his white part at least. Hidan had seen a lot of even weirder shit when he had been in Akatsuki, whatever the fuck that clone was it was supposed to help him so to hell with whatever it meant.

Zetsu rearranged his body parts in a way that connected and the clone started to melt into him, which to be honest freaked him the fuck out and he spent the whole time complaining loudly. It felt weird but somehow this oozing substance white Zetsu was transforming itself into was acting like some kind of glue. His head was attached last to his neck and he was pleasantly surprised he could feel every part of him, could move his little toes and his ear throbbed slightly in pain from the cut the motherfucker of Asuma had done to him.

Still, he couldn’t stand up, Zetsu warned him he needed some time for the goo or whatever to be completely solid or else he was going to fall apart. Hidan wasn’t so excited to keep waiting even longer and now that he had his body back together he could feel maddening hunger, so greatly that he had to ask Zetsu to go bring him something to eat, whatever was fine.

Three while days passed until Hidan actually felt back together again.

He popped his neck and his back, feeling completely satisfying. His scythe was nowhere to be seen, he had no weapons but his fists and legs and that was inconvenient. He needed to get some as soon as possible.

Zetsu promised him he was going to keep quiet about his whereabouts and Hidan reluctantly thanked him.

Just like that, they parted ways.

Hopefully to never see each other again.

\--

Hidan walked for a long time before he found anything. A little village with a marketplace and not a lot more. Boring. But this could be a first step on getting himself something like clothes aside from the pants and shoes Zetsu had brought for him, not that he was bothered by having his top uncovered but still, something to blend it could be nice.

He found another scythe, much simpler, a complete tool for agriculture but Hidan could use it anyways, any weapon was good.

Of course, he had to steal it because he had no means to get any money. By then Kakuzu would have paid anything he wanted as long as it was strictly necessary, that stingy bastard.

Kakuzu would have done a lot of things for him already.

He didn’t even know where his bandana was.

Last time he had lost his head, Kakuzu had picked it up and given it back to him after sealing the two-tailed beast.

Damn it, he was getting nostalgic.

He needed to bring Kakuzu back.

\--

It was easier said than done, he realized once the bring Kakuzu back idea got stuck in his mind.

First of all, he needed to find a body and to do that he was going to have to go back to the place of their last battle, on the way to Konoha, He wasn’t really sure he wanted to go by there all alone, in case the place was being patrolled or some bullshit.

He really should have asked Zetsu for any information about the whereabouts of his remains, he had to know something.

Thankfully the fucker wasn’t really good at keeping promised and crossed his path once again when he was on his way to find another group of people who followed The Way of Jashin.

“ **Alive and whole still, I see** ” Zetsu said, the upper part of his body sticking out of a tree a few meters away from where Hidan was walking.

He immediately approached him.

“Hey, you! Damn it, man I never thought I was going to say this but I’m glad to see you” He said, somewhat forced.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah” Hidan scratched the back of his head. “I need more help. I need to bring Kakuzu back but I need you to tell me where his body is so I can go put him back together”

There was a moment of stunned silence, Hidan found himself uncomfortable and him being unfamiliar with that sensation it brought anger instead,

“What?! Have you gone stupid out of nowhere, plan-boy?!”

“It’s not that,” Zetsu said, looking at him funny. “Just… **why would you want to bring Kakuzu back**?”

“God, what a stupid fucking question! What do you mean ’why’? Because _it’s Kakuzu_ , he’s my partner, we work well together, even if he drives me mad with his repulsing obsession with money and his disrespectful blabbering about Jashin, that is truly unforgivable!”

“Sounds like you still dislike him, I don’t understand”

“Of course you don’t, plant brain. Had he not been killed, Kakuzu would have unburied me quicker than anyone else, what the fuck am I supposed to do if not the same for him, huh?!”

“Do you miss him?”

That was a crazy thought, something Hidan hadn’t actually realized before.

Did he miss Kakuzu?

He had been his partner ever since he joined Akatsuki, they worked well together, they took each other out of trouble, they slept together, ate together, traveled together and wreaked havoc together.

It wasn’t exactly that he missed him.

It was more like Hidan really didn’t know better than being with Kakuzu. It was almost like his default mode.

So now that Kakuzu wasn’t there anymore… it felt like a waste of immortality.

“Stop spewing shit at me, would you? Just help me get to whatever is left of his body. I’ll take care of it”

“You know any kind of healing technique?” Zetsu asked.

“Do I look like a medic ninja or something? Of course, I don’t” God, he was getting irritated.

“Then how are you going to help him?”

Zetsu’s questions were getting really boring really fast.

“Shut up! I’ll find a way, I’ll do it. Just help me get back his fucking body and I will”

In that moment black Zetsu wanted to say no, there was no need for Kakuzu to be back, following Hidan’s instructions was like giving in into one of Deidara’s whims, just a waste of time and resources. However white Zetsu found himself enamored by the idea of the immortal duo being reunited, giving Hidan clearly missed Kakuzu and even seemed a little lost without him.

They had an internal debate for a while and ultimately they came to an agreement, they were going to help Hidan, as long as they didn’t have anything better or more important to do. The Akatsuki were still searching for the remaining tailed beasts and so he can take a break for as long as they don’t make another finding.

“I’ll help you search. But bringing him back is going to be harder than what you think. What he used to become some kind of immortal was a forbidden technique from his village. I don’t think there’s anybody else alive to know how to achieve what he did”

“Will you fucking stop? I said I’ll do it, I’ll find a way, don’t worry your grassy head about it” Hidan said with finality and started walking away from Zetsu.

\--

Turned out Kakuzu’s body was in no other place than Konoha.

Zetsu knew the whereabouts and assured him he could get the body for him as long as Hidan invested his time in searching for a medic ninja who could help him heal Kakuzu’s damage. The Jinchuriki had evidently done some mad damage to cellular lever with that freaky jutsu of his.

So, that was his new goal. Visiting various villages incognito mode so he could find somebody he could use to bring Kakuzu back. Of course, he started by looking into Takigakure.

He had to hide his face because as Zetsu constantly reminded him, he was still associated with the Akatsuki at least visually, if anyone recognized him, it would be over for him and his so-called freedom. Hidan accepted only because he refused to be trapped underground again. Nevermore.

He spent a few days there, almost taking a tour through the village, trying to imagine how Kakuzu would have fit once in a lifetime. Everything must have been very different back then, having in mind that Kakuzu was sent to Konoha on a special mission to defeat the first Hokage. That was old, old history.

It was hard to imagine Kakuzu as a child, giving how he hadn’t aged since he met him a few years ago. He probably hadn’t aged since much, much longer before he even joined the organization, he must have outlived everyone he knew, everyone he had once been close with.

Not that it mattered, Hidan himself had cut tied with everyone he knew ever since joining The Way of Jashin, and even then as soon as he obtained his immortality he had gone on his own and forgotten all about people who could not make good sacrifices. He had made a good massacre out of his past acquaintances, good sacrifices for Jashin and that’s all that really mattered to him.

He stayed at a hostel for a few weeks and then he ventured out to the ninja training grounds.

Many people knew him by know, not by name of course, but they knew of his presence and thought him harmless which was how he ended up kidnapping a talented medic he had spotted, just in time for Zetsu bringing back Kakuzu’s body.

The girl groaned when he woke up in his hostel room, hands and legs bound, rendering her unmovable. The first thing he did was gasp loudly at the sight of Kakuzu’s body. Hidan hadn’t had a much better reaction although everything about his feelings was interiorized. He wasn’t going to show an ounce of humanity, not now.

Truth is he was quite shocked to see Kakuzu’s lifeless body, so fucking messed up and still it looked like he could simply stand up and start bickering with him, saying something about how Hidan always took too long and this wasn’t the exception. That was something he kind of wanted to hear right now.

“Who are you?” Was what his ears perceived instead. “Where am I? Why is he here?!”

The girl started to sound more and more terrified the longer words kept coming out of her mouth, it was annoying.

“Shut up, will you?”

“Why have you brought this monster’s body here?! Why am I here?!”

I will sacrifice her and find someone else if she keeps making so many questions.

“ **Let’s be brief** ,” Zetsu said, appearing out of nowhere as such was his habit. “You’re going to heal his wounds”

“And why the hell should I do that?! Even if it were possible I would never help a monster like him!”

“Because if you don’t help him, you die,” Hidan said with finality, toying with his scythe.

“If I help him, I’ll die! The damage is too much, not to mention he is fucking dead somehow” The girl retorted hysterically.

“Well, you are going to die either way. You are just going to choose how fast and by who’s hand” Hidan replied, bored and uninterested in the girl’s hysterics.

\--

It took a lot of threatening and quite a few injuries to the girl to finally convince her to start healing Kakuzu, she said it was going to take her a couple of days at least but Hidan wasn’t worried about time, he had all the time in the world to wait for Kakuzu to come back.

It was weird seeing him there laying down, unresponsive when he had been the one stitching everyone back together in the Akatsuki, turns out at the end no one is really immortal, not the way Hidan was.

Three days was the time the girl took to put Kakuzu back together, he looked much better, almost alive if you ignored the stiffness and the unconscious state, that is.

The girl was hanging by a thread but she had proven herself to be a powerful shinobi by doing all the repair to Kakuzu and still have some life in her when she was done.

“Okay!” Hidan said, standing up and stretching, popping a few of his backbones. “I have an idea and I think it’s going to work. Zetsu could you make sure she doesn’t go anywhere? I’ll be back shortly”

He was out of the room before he could hear Zetsu’s answer, giving the man no other option but to stay and take care of their hostage.

Hidan didn’t know much about many things, but during his stay in Takigakure he has learned a little bit about its history, and he learned about what the forbidden technique did to Kakuzu’s body. It had practically turned him into a ragdoll. He had no organs other than his hearts to keep him up together. The stupid Sasori would have been delighted by this fact had he not fucking died against a little girl and his own grandma. He almost wished he could still pester Deidara about it.

He had the theory that all he needed was a heart still beating and Kakuzu’s body was going to do the rest, the medic ninja was there to try and keep some chakra flowing into Kakuzu’s system, in hopes it could reanimate the threads that made up his body. It was his best shot.

It didn’t take him too long to find a ninja with the right type of chakra nature; earth. Kakuzu was going to need a heart that at least resembled his somehow. Hidan did the right thing and intercepted a group of ninjas from Takigakure that were just coming back from a mission and as expected at least two of them had been good for what he needed them. He chose one and killed the rest. It ended up taking him most of the day because he just couldn’t go killing deliberately without sacrificing anyone to Jashin.

But, in the end, he had made it back to the hostel, Zetsu doing his weird come-out-of-the-ground thing to help him get the near corpse in.

“Okay, so. What we’re gonna do is…” Hidan said, taking long drinks of sake. “We’re gonna rip this guy’s heart of and you,” He said pointing to the girl. “Are young to keep the heart beating as you place it into Kakuzu’s body. The threads might respond to a new heart as they always did and Kakuzu might come back to life”

“You’re an idiot” The girl murmured and Hidan… he had been called that many times in his life and he knew he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but he had his moments of brilliancy.

He would have found himself outraged at any other situation but unfortunately, this was the type of input he needed.

“And why do you think that?”

The girl was taken by surprise, she must have expected him to ignore her. Too bad if she was just saying.

“Because you can’t just bring someone back from death. His consciousness might be all but gone, especially having in mind all the time he has been dead”

“Well, if it doesn’t work then we keep trying” Hidan shrugged. “Just go on”

“And what if I refuse?” The girl said, looking sternly at the man he had brought, from her village, a part of her life even if just by a mundane passing by.

“I could always kill you and keep trying. I have all the time in the world. Look, if this one goes right I might just let you live!” He said cheerfully,

“You could be useful as a spy for the Akatsuki” Zetsu interjected. “If Hidan finds you unuseful the Akatsuki is always looking for spies. Don’t worry you won’t even know it, we’ll render you mindless”

The girl paled then, seeing how she was cornered, subjected to one of two faiths, each one as terrible as the other.

“I’d rather die than work against my village,” She said, with gritted teeth.

“Great” Hidan clapped. “Then you help me. Chop chop, the sooner the better!”

\--

Kakuzu’s body gave a big tremor, almost as if he had been struck by lightning. His whole body tensed as he thumped back to the floor and his eyes snapped open.

Another violent twitch truck Kakuzu’s body and his pupils dilated until they were barely there green points and then they expanded almost covering all the color of his eyes. The process repeated a couple of times until it finally stopped. Hidan realized distantly that Zetsu had done something to keep the girl going until she was nearly about to pass out.

There was a moment of silence that extended further and further.

Kakuzu still moved no more.

“Ah, for fuck’s sake!” Hidan raged, kicking and cracking the now empty bottle of sake. “God fucking damn it!!”

He continued ranting, grunting, and spewing curses left and right. He was not the smartest, he thought about simple solutions and when simple solutions didn’t work he had Kakuzu there to come up with a better plan that involved a lot more work but was probably even more successful.

Now he didn’t have Kakuzu and he didn’t have any other greater plans that invading the place where the forbidden technique was kept from the public and have someone else learn it for him and reapply it on Kakuzu… But that was going to take months! Even longer because his face was on every book and advertisement that talked about the Akatsuki!

“You just had to fucking die! What a shit immortal being are you?! Your stupid fucking technique couldn’t even keep you alive against some kids. Fuck you, Kakuzu!”

“Hidan shut the fuck up”

And for what was probably the first time in his life, Hidan did listen.

Not because he had wanted to stop his rant but because that was…

“Kakuzu?!” Hidan turned, to see Kakuzu’s body still immobile on the ground, but he was blinking and his chest was moving up and down and he was… “You’re back! You, motherfucker!”

Hidan hurried to Kakuzu’s side, pushing the passed-out medic ninja out of the way and lowering himself so they were eye to eye.

“How could you die?! I was underground in a hole and the plant boy had to put me back together because you weren’t there!! What the fuck went wrong with you?!”

Kakuzu frowned deeply, almost like when he was about to lose it.

“You fucking cursed me and got rid of one of my hearts, you miserable idiot”

“I had no idea!” Hidan tried to defend himself. “That stupid kid Shikamaru was just too sneaky but I bet we can take him down next time!”

“Next time, you say?” Kakuzu inquired, he had started to twitch his fingers, both from his hands and feet but he still seemed to have very little control over his body.

“Well, yeah. I mean, if you want. Akatsuki doesn’t know we’re alive. They definitely didn’t know I was alive when Zetsu dug me back up”

Kakuzu seemed contemplative yet.

Almost each and every single one of them had joined Akatsuki by force after losing a battle against the Leader, Konan, or any other members that were strong enough to get them. For Deidara it was enough with only Itachi looking him in the eye and trapping him into a genjutsu, at least that’s what he had heard.

For him, they beat him up until Orochimaru had threatened to seal him away and so… well, Hidan was better off moving and alive rather than sealed somewhere, he had already experienced the fact and it was something he’d rather not repeat, like, ever.

“How did you know?” Kakuzu asked, throwing Hidan away from his thoughts.

“How did I know what?”

“That getting me a heart was going to bring me back”

“Oh…” Hidan smiled, ruffling his hair. “I didn’t. It was just my first option. I honestly wouldn’t have known what to do if this didn’t work but it did!”

Kakuzu looked at him profoundly.

“What? What’s the problem?” Hidan’s posture got defensive, Kakuzu simply looking at him meant an argument coming. “I brought you back to life, shouldn’t you be saying thank you or something?”

Kakuzu closed his eyes like it was taking him great effort and sighed. “Thanks”

No that rendered Hidan speechless. Kakuzu had never said thank you to him, not even when it was really due, it just wasn’t how the things worked in between them.

“How dare you fucking die?” Hidan asked. “I waited for you to take me out of the ground but you never came”

“That nine tails kid and his friends came and tore all of my hearts out. Didn’t plan for it to happen” Kakuzu replied.

Hidan was in the mood for an argument after not seeing his partner so long but Kakuzu seemed tired, he had never seen Kakuzu look like that, he was always as strong and unmovable as a mountain and now he was just… laying down on the floor.

“Do you feel like you’re going to die again or…?” Hidan inquired.

“I don’t feel my best but it may be because I was dead for a long time, as far as I can guess” Kakuzu mumbled.

“I’m gonna get another medic ninja, this one is useless already. Do you think you’d like to have her heart?”

“I’m in the need for some so yeah. When I feel stronger I’ll tear it out from her”

“Well guys” Zetsu suddenly spoke, Hidan had completely forgotten about it with Kakuzu’s resurrection. “It has been touching but I gotta go. I’ll check up on you in case you need anything else in the future”

And with no other words, Zetsu melted into the floor and left the two of them alone.

\--

Two months went by before Kakuzu got strong enough to leave the village and go on their merry way. Of course the disdain for Takigakure mildly forced him to wreck some havoc before leaving, as a _see you soon_ kind of gift for the village that had given him their backs.

Hidan was elated.

Kakuzu had gotten back his five hearts with masks in the back and all and they were ready to go.

Where to? Neither of them were too sure, in the end, it was Kakuzu’s choice whatever they were going to do in the upcoming future, all Hidan cared about was to have enough massacre in his life to keep himself on the good side of Jashin’s grace. And Kakuzu… well, not even death could have gotten rid of his love for money.

So, he supposed that was what they were going to go, almost the same they had done before but without the commanding of the Leader. They were making sure they never needed of the Akatsuki and while Hidan was incapable of giving a fuck and coming up with a plan Kakuzu was the brains and would make sure they weren’t going to get sealed away. 

They were walking through a thick forest when Kakuzu spoke.

“I would have gotten you out of the ground sooner than them”

“I know” Hidan scoffed. “God, they’re so useless”

But they were going to need them no more, it was just the two of them against the world, Hidan felt just right like that was the way it was supposed to be from the beginning.

And it was how their lives were going to be from then onwards.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twitter @taeqyung_writer for headcanons, fic ideas and more!


End file.
